


The meaning of the snow

by Amiko



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Connor is afraid of snow, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Markus is afraid of lightnings, Secret Santa, a bit of angst, they need each other, with illustration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 02:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17153414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amiko/pseuds/Amiko
Summary: For Connor snow had different meanings.





	The meaning of the snow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackcloudsarebehindme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackcloudsarebehindme/gifts).



> Merry Christmas Parker! I was your secret santa! Your prompt was just a kiss but I've got carried away (and inspired by a falling snowflakes in my town). I hope you will like it!

For Connor snow had different meanings.

First, it was just a word.

Snow  
_noun_

_atmospheric water vapour frozen into ice crystals and falling in light white flakes or lying on the ground as a white layer._

A definition with few images provided by internet was put in his program by his creators.

It appeared first time he saw the white snowflakes falling from the sky while he was still on the case with the Lieutenant.

Then he started to associate it with the feelings while he was on his path to deviancy.

He felt uneasiness when he talked with Lieutenant Anderson by the bridge. They couldn’t solve the case, he didn’t know what Ra9 meant and he knew that he didn’t have much time. Then the Lieutenant put a gun to his head and Connor was puzzled. He knew that the man was under the influence of alcohol but he couldn’t figure out Hank’s actions. He was such a mystery to him. He was an advanced model yet he still couldn’t figure out so many things. The snow started to cover the ground back then.

He felt hesitancy when he pointed a gun at the android girl in Kamski’s house. There was a frozen lake just outside the big window, yet all he could see was the android in front of him. The program told him to shoot her to obtain the Jericho location, yet he didn’t do it. He couldn’t. The Lieutenant then told him he did a good thing back there, but did he?

It was snowing when he became a deviant. He was on his way to the Jericho ship and the ground was already covered with a layer of snow. What he felt then was an excitement to finish his job and mission. What he felt after was an overwhelming turmoil of emotions. He met Markus for the first time and it was him who helped Connor break the walls that were already cracked by all his decisions against his programming. He felt lost, uncertain, but he didn’t have time to dwell on those emotions as he had to run away with Markus from the exploding ship. He was the reason the humans found out Jericho’s location. It was the first time Connor felt guilt. Guilt that stayed with him when he was hiding in the shadows of the old church where the androids gathered after the explosion. He saw the android woman with the child that he chased on the run away. He saw so many deviants afraid of him but also afraid about their future. The guilt made him decide to go on a suicide mission and even the gentle touch of Markus’ hand on his arm didn’t change his mind. He made his decision.

 _Be careful_ , Markus said, and while Connor was getting out of the taxi in front of the Cyberlife tower, the snow creaking under his feet, he felt brave. He knew that he was finally doing something for his people even if this could lead to his death. He knew that it wouldn’t pay for all of his crimes but in that moment he didn’t feel as guilty as he felt earlier. He knew that his people were waiting for these androids to save them and he was ready to do it at all cost.

The big snowflakes were still falling slowly from the sky when he was marching proudly with and android army behind him. It was indeed a beautiful night and while he was still overwhelmed by all his new emotions Connor still acknowledged the beauty of the nature. Some snowflakes covered him but he didn’t bother to shake them off. He felt proud that the androids were safe and even Hank, who was there, ended up unscratched. When he saw that all Jericho members were safe and Markus came to him to greet him he smiled lightly.

“You did it,” he said to Markus and Markus returned the smile.

“WE did it.”

Connor was still conflicted with his emotions. He didn’t know if he should feel guilty because of his past or proud because he saved the androids from the Cyberlife tower.

He felt a lot of emotions when it was snowing, but the one he had never felt was the one that humans always associated snow with - it was cold.

Torn apart by his inner dilemma, for the first time in his short life, Connor felt cold. When all his surroundings disappeared and he saw Amanda back in zen garden he felt another new emotion - fear. Fear that everything he did was useless. Fear that she would destroy all his hard work. Fear that he would kill androids’ hope - Markus.

The zen garden used to be a beautiful and even a peaceful place but now all Connor could see was a snowstorm. He was afraid and cold and he felt that he was freezing when he barely made it to the glowing statue that was an exit from the garden.

Since then he couldn’t look at the snow in the same way. It was okay for him when it covered the ground or when it was falling slowly from the sky. It made him shudder a bit, reminding him of the awful place that the zen garden turned out to be, of the aftermath when he realized that he was pointing a gun at Markus and he almost killed the leader. He hadn’t told anyone about it and thankfully, nobody noticed the crowd being too focused on Markus.

But he remembered.

He thought that he was okay, that he could hide it, but he was wrong. While he went on a case with Hank it was snowing hard. It already made him uneasy but it only got worse when they were at the crime scene. It was an abandoned house and even if the police was here with their flashlights, the surrounding were barely visible. Connor knew that he was the one with the best sight so he agreed to look around the house. The moment he left Hank in the house made him remember the zen garden. He couldn’t focus on the leads, all he could think about was that soon he will hear Amanda’s voice telling him that she won and she’s controlling him now. He knew that what he was feeling was a panic attack but he was an android. Androids shouldn’t have them.

Finally Hank found him and took him away from the snowstorm. He asked him what was wrong with him because his led was blinking angry red and it was also the reason why he spotted Connor in the blizzard. Connor reassured him that he was fine but it was Hank, of course he didn’t buy it.

Hank was the first person Connor told about Amanda. He listened to him, told him that if he wanted to be sure that the AI is no longer in his program he could take him to Kamski to check on him but Connor refused. He knew that Amanda’ programming was deleted. The only thing that was left was fear.

Shortly after that Markus contacted Connor. Connor was avoiding the deviant leader on purpose, ashamed of what he had almost done but Markus had enough of this.

He offered him a job. Markus wanted him to be his bodyguard.

Connor liked his job with Lieutenant but it was also something that he was programmed for, not something that he had chosen. That’s why he decided to try it, to see if he could somehow help deviants.

He wanted to leave his past behind.

The only thing that was still present was the fear hidden deep inside him.

***

 

_One year after the Revolution_

“I swear that maybe I’m not human, but I feel dead tired,” Markus said while he was leaving the building after another debate concerning new androids laws. The revolution maybe was a success but it was only the beginning of the bigger revolution that was still going on.

Connor chuckled following behind the android. Since he accepted Markus’ job offer not only did he become his bodyguard but apparently one of his advisors as well. Of course North, Simon and Josh were still helping Markus out, but as there was a lot of things to be done they couldn’t be around all the time. So Connor, as his work required him to be with Markus almost nonstop, naturally started supporting him in his endeavors.

At first he only protected Markus, as the deviant leader of course was a target of many attacks of anti-androids groups, but when he accompanied him during all the meetings he also started sharing his thoughts with Markus, which Markus really appreciated.

“It’s because you have the tendency to overwork yourself, Markus,” Connor said while they were on their way to the waiting taxi.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m learning from the best but don’t worry, I don’t want to break your record,” Markus joked while both of them sat in the back of the car.

“Yeah, very funny. Someone had to protect you back then. If it weren’t for me you would be dead, deviant leader,” Connor replied and Markus chuckled.

Markus was referring to what had happened nearly half a year ago. Back then, there were still a lot of anti-androids groups and one of the leaders decided to assassinate Markus. It happened so suddenly, during one of the public speeches, and if Connor was even slightly slower then Markus would’ve been seriously dead by now. Connor protected him with his body which lead to a bullet wound in his abdomen. Androids were not humans so it was not fatal, but it damaged one of his biocomponents what Connor obviously ignored. He had to take Markus to safety and protect him as it was not the end of the attack. He’s spent the night searching for the group that attacked them, then he had to protect Markus again and, finally, he caught the group with the help of the police and only then Markus was no longer under the threat. But Connor was ignoring his power level so much that he didn’t realized it dropped so low he basically did what humans called “fainting”. Apparently he scared Markus a lot but it was only his body going into a stasis mode.

“Noted, deviant hunter,” he teased Connor.

Connor hated that nickname but in Markus’ mouth it sounded different. It was his usual response to the ‘deviant leader’ which Markus personally hated. Since Connor became Markus’ bodyguard the two of them spent a lot of time together. In the beginning it was really awkward for Connor because he still remembered that he almost killed Markus, but Connor quickly realized why so many androids followed Markus. He was charming, endearing and really nice. They slowly became best friends and thanks to that more and more androids started to trust Connor.

He was no longer the deviant hunter but Markus’ bodyguard, his friend, his adviser. An important person in Jericho. He wasn’t a threat.

“Sometimes I wish it was just that easy. Few conversations and that’s it. Hell, sometimes I think that Revolution was easier than these boring and unproductive talks,” Markus said, sighing. Connor looked through the window.

It started snowing.

He knew that it would start snowing today but he hoped it would come a bit later.

“Nothing is easy in this world, Markus,” he answered, his eyes still glued to the window.

“You are right, Connor. I shouldn’t complain, it could have been worse.”

“Complaining is a human thing and we are trying to prove that we are like humans too, aren’t we?” Connor looked at Markus again and the android smiled.

“You are right again, my friend.” The car stopped and Markus got out. Before he went away he looked back again. “Are you sure you don’t want to come inside? We could talk more. Josh even bought that thirium flavored tea.”

Connor smiled.

“I’m sure it tastes great but maybe next time. Thank you for your invitation.”

Markus sighed.

“Well, at least I tried. Be careful, Connor.”

“You too, Markus.”

Connor wanted so bad to go with Markus. He really enjoyed every minute in his presence but he knew that the weather will turn worse in a few hours and he didn’t want to go back by car alone during the blizzard. He could call Hank of course but, even if the Lieutenant understood, it would be too embarrassing. In the end, Connor only watched the passing houses on his way to Hank’s home where he still lived.

***

 

Connor wished the winter didn’t exist. During the speech, organised in honor of anniversary of the androids’ revolution, it didn't snow. It was actually sunny and the weather was nice. There were a lot of androids gathered in the place where a year ago Markus delivered his speech. Surprisingly, there were also a lot of humans to show their support. The winter cold didn’t stop them from joining in.

After the event there was a big party at Jericho. Androids were celebrating their freedom by dancing, singing and just enjoying their time. Personally, Connor wasn't a fan of parties but he enjoyed being there and he even danced with few androids.

The party ended very late. Most of the androids lived in Jericho which was now an area with small androids apartments, since they didn't need much. It was only Connor who lived far away in Hank’s place. Simon once asked him if he wouldn’t like to live with them but Connor enjoyed living with the old Lieutenant. Besides, someone had to care of him and he already was spending less time with Hank thanks to his new job.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay?” Markus asked him while they were heading for the door.

“No, I already called the cab, it should be there soon.”

“But it’s late, Connor. Lieutenant wouldn’t mind, and it’s dangerous out there.”

“Markus, please, I can take care of myself-” but the moment Connor opened the door he regretted his words.

Markus was right. It was dangerous.

It was dark, the lights of the Jericho weren’t visible as the blizzard was so strong. Connor totally forgot to check the weather as he was still in the festive mood. The cold feeling was back in a moment.

 _Androids don’t feel cold_ , he tried to reassure himself but how could he explain the feeling otherwise?

“Connor, are you okay?” Markus’ voice was distant. All he could see was the blizzard, the dark, and he was afraid that the next thing he would see will be Amanda’s figure.

He felt a touch on his arm but he didn’t see who it was. He wanted to get out. Where was the exit? Where was that blue glowing thing?

He shuddered, hugging himself. He was wearing his dark jeans and blue shirt with dark jacket over it. Androids didn’t feel cold so he could wear whatever he wanted but now it was not enough. The cold was bone-chilling.

“Connor!” Markus’ voice was loud and finally Connor blinked and realized that he was still standing next to him. The door was closed, that’s why his attention was back. Markus put his hands on Connor’s arms. He was still hugging himself and Markus had a worried look on his face.

“Connor, what is wrong? Your led is angry red and you’re...shaking.” Markus eyes were still on him and Connor blinked disorientated.

“I’m…” He wanted to say so much that he was okay but it was Markus, he noticed that Connor was far from alright. “I don’t think I can return home tonight,” he whispered instead.

Markus smiled warmly to him.

“That I can see. Follow me.”

***

 

They ended up in Markus’ place, which served as his refuge from all his troubles. There was a piano here, a lot of painting supplies but also a bed and a charging station. Androids didn’t need to sleep yet they still lie down to rearrange their thoughts or to simply charge their power in their sleep mode.

“So, can you explain me what had happened? And don’t tell me it was nothing. Your led is still angry red,” Markus said while he sat down on the couch and invited Connor with his hand to join him there.

“Sometimes I wish I hadn’t had it”, Connor admitted while he sat down. “All of you can read me like a book thanks to it.”

Markus smiled to him warmly.

“Connor, with your led or witout it, I could still read you like a book. You’re my close friend and I know you. You were afraid back there, Connor, and I know there must be a serious reason behind it because you’re one of the bravest androids I know.”

Connor shrugged and avoided his eyes.

“It’s really stupid, Markus… I’m not brave if I was so easily scared by such a trivial thing…” He knew he didn’t make sense but Markus was still listening to him attentively.

“You know I won't force you to talk to me, but I’m here and you are still welcome to spend a night.” For a moment Markus was silent and the only sound that could be heard was a distant chatter of the androids that were still awake and the wind behind the window.

“Being afraid of something doesn’t make you weak, Connor. You think I’m not afraid of things?” Markus sighed and leaned on the couch. “Lightnings, I can’t stand them. When I woke up at the android’s graveyard it was the first thing I saw aside from the mountains of androids’ destroyed bodies. Everytime there is a storm and I see a lightning I think of that place. I think of every broken android that was there. I think that if I wasn’t so determined to survive I could have still been there, lying down like a broken machine. Every time I see a lighting in the dark I see that place. And it makes me afraid Connor, but it’s not like the leader can show his fear that easily, isn’t it?” he asked him and Connor once again was so impressed by Markus. He confessed to him one of his fears yet he sounded so brave that Connor suddenly felt stupid again for allowing himself to be weak.

Markus shared with him his fears so he had to do the same.

“I...I didn’t know that you were afraid of storms,” he whispered and Markus smiled sadly.

“I don’t like talking about it… but I’m feeling better after telling you. Don’t think of this as a big secret… just… if one day you will find yourself beside me during a storm… you will understand.”

Connor went silent trying to gather his thoughts. When he finally opened his mouth after a while, Markus was still patiently waiting for him.

“I’m… It’s a snowstorm… Back when we won a revolution, Amanda forced me into the zen garden-”

“Amanda? Zen garden?” Markus asked, listening to him.

“She was an AI, a program installed in my software with whom I was talking in a place called zen garden. She told me that my deviancy was programmed and it was a part of Cyberlife’ plan - to get me close to you so they could control me to kill you. I found the backdoor in the program and I know that she’s no longer inside my head but when I was in the garden there was a blizzard and I felt so lost and scared that I would destroy everything-”

“Hey, Connor,” Markus’ hand was suddenly on his own and he squeezed it.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier but when I woke up I had a gun almost pointed at you. Few seconds later and you would’ve been dead. It was so close…”

“But you didn’t do it. You fought that programming and instead saved the revolution. Connor, it’s not your fault. And your deviancy, even if it was programmed, it is real. What you’re feeling right now is fear and it’s a human emotion, it's not something that was programmed but something that you developed yourself. You are alive, just like the rest of us.”

Connor squeezed back Markus’ hand and sighed.

“I just... The blizzard made me feel so cold and scared that now I freeze every time I see snow falling down, just like it was back then in the zen garden.”

Markus moved closer to him and took his other hand in his as well. Connor finally looked at him. The mismatched eyes were so beautiful and Connor could see all the details that were designed on Markus’ face. The few freckles, the always present frown, but also the gentleness in his eyes. Both of them were RK models, yet both of them were so different.

They looked so human and in that moment Connor was hypnotized by Markus’ beauty.

Not that it was something new. Connor caught himself few times adoring the other android. Hank told him he had a crush. Connor felt that it was something deeper than that.

“You can show me, if you want,” Markus said to him and Connor saw a request for a connection between them.

He accepted and the skin retracted from their hands, leaving them bare white. When they connected the points of contact started glowing blue.

Markus saw the zen garden and Amanda.

Connor saw the junkyard.

It was the first time he shared memories with somebody. He was glad it was Markus because he felt calm. He didn’t regret it, he felt way better.

***

 

The next day Connor woke up on the couch. After interfacing both he and Markus felt exhausted and overwhelmed and decided to call it a night and went into a sleeping mode. When Connor opened his eyes he realized that he was alone in Markus’ room. He looked around but the android was nowhere to be seen. He probably went into Jericho’s office to talk with North, Simon and Josh.

Yesterday Connor sent Hank a message that he would be staying for the night in Jericho. The Lieutenant asked him if he was okay because he knew what a blizzard meant to Connor but the android reassured old man that he was alright. After a moment of consideration Connor sent Hank another message to let him know he was up and fine and asked to greet Sumo for him.

The door to the room opened and something was thrown at Connor. Connor picked the things up which turned out to be a warm winter jacket, scarf and a beanie.

Markus was standing in the door, wearing a similar set of clothes.

“Put them on, we’re going outside,” he said enthusiastically and Connor blinked at him.

“But Markus, androids don’t feel co-,”

“Just hurry up. I will be outside!” he said and left.

Connor, still confused, put on the warm clothes and followed after. He saw Markus outside, standing proudly surrounded by the snowdrifts. Some of the android kids were outside as well, playing in the snow.

“Markus, what’s the meaning of this?” But before Connor could get his answer his face was met with an unpleasant cold in the form of a snowball.

“Kids, let me invite you to the greatest battle of all time - Markus vs Connor, snowball fight. You can choose your team right now.”

To Connor's surprise the teams turned out even in number and the kids started quickly making their ammunition.

“Oh, Markus, you are in trouble now,” Connor said and started making his own snowballs.

The fight started and the kids were really into it, but so was Connor. He was focused on the target (Markus) and tried to predict his every move while planning out his attacks. Some of his balls hit the leader, some of his balls missed, but the most important thing was - he had so much fun.

He ignored the cold feeling.

He ignored the falling snowflakes from the sky.

He wasn’t afraid. He was so happy.

In the end, the battle just turned out to be mostly Connor vs Markus as the kids were interested more into who will win rather than playing between themselves. They were very enthusiastic and cheered on their leaders from the sides.

Connor was trying to locate the deviant leader, _just like the old days_ , he thought, and wanted to strike him by surprise.

But, when he was hiding behind some old boxes, he was actually the one taken by surprise as Markus instead of hitting him with a ball, just threw him into the ground, straight into the snowdrift.

“I’ve caught you, I won!” Markus said but then Connor threw a snowball right into Markus’ face.

“You were saying?” he teased him and both of them laughed.

While they were lying there, Markus on top of him, he realized how close they actually were. Their noses were practically touching. Connor totally forgot that they had an audience. The only thing he could think about was how beautiful Markus was and that he really wanted to kiss him.

They have grown so close in that past year and he really didn’t want to destroy their friendship. But when he interfaced with Markus yesterday, not only did he saw his memories but he also felt his emotions. He knew that the deviant leader adored him and that he was important to him.

Not only as bodyguard or a friend but someone closer.

“Hey, Connor...”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“I thought you’ll never ask.”

Markus’ lips were on his. It was a simple touch, really quick and uncertain. The moment Markus’ lips left his, Connor already missed them. So he put his arms around Markus’ neck and pulled him towards himself to return the kiss.

“Oh my god! Right in front of the kids!”

They quickly parted and saw North entering Jericho. She frowned and in a theatrical manner called the kids.

“Okay, kids, auntie North will show you how to build a snowman while these two will return to their adult work.” She gathered the kids and then winked at Markus and Connor.

_Took you long, idiots_

She sent the message through their connected line and they chuckled, amused by this. Markus looked back at Connor who was still lying on the ground, both of them covered in the snow.

“So, what do you say about taking this inside?”

“What, are you feeling cold?” Connor joked and put his arms around Markus again, to bring him closer. The deviant leader only smiled and kissed him again, this time more passionately and not so innocent. They were still lying in the snow.

For Connor snow had different meanings.

It reminded him about the revolution, about the things that happened during it.

It reminded him of Amanda and what she did to him.

But now snow had a different meaning to him.

From now on every time he sees a snow he will try to think about the moment when he and Markus kissed for the first time.

When he felt for the first time that he was in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on a twitter [Here](http://twitter.com/AmikoRoyAi)  
> Follow me on a tumblr [Here](http://amikoroyaiart.tumblr.com)


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